i put together some random thoughts...and here they are, in a poem sort of way.
I found an old rugged road,
Beautiful and forgotten
On it I passed some cherryplum trees,
And grass so tall it was up to my knees
I picked and ate the cherryplums, till I was quite full to the brim
I caught a glance of the sun rays still lighting the top of a hill
My curious mind raced, and I carefully got through the barbwire fence
Though sharp it was, and caught my leg
The glory up on the hill was worth the struggle,
And as I bounded down with a happy smile,
I whispered, “this is, dear summertime”
[k.e.h.]
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
a song
When the sun goes down, and the music fades
I can’t wait until the day when your kingdom sings
When my eyes are dim and my heart is cold
I can’t wait until the day when you’ll heal the pain
chorus: Everlasting father, glorious king
You reign forever, your kingdom sings
Glory, glory be to your name
You’ll lift your children up from the grave
Many hearts cry out, many nations groan,
Waiting for the day when they see your throne
When the world is full, of a war so old
I can’t wait until the day when you split the sky
I can’t wait until the day when peace arises
[k.e.]
© 2007 Words and Music by Karen Hellweg
Used by Permission CCLI #1570588
I can’t wait until the day when your kingdom sings
When my eyes are dim and my heart is cold
I can’t wait until the day when you’ll heal the pain
chorus: Everlasting father, glorious king
You reign forever, your kingdom sings
Glory, glory be to your name
You’ll lift your children up from the grave
Many hearts cry out, many nations groan,
Waiting for the day when they see your throne
When the world is full, of a war so old
I can’t wait until the day when you split the sky
I can’t wait until the day when peace arises
[k.e.]
© 2007 Words and Music by Karen Hellweg
Used by Permission CCLI #1570588
Monday, June 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
rock or sand
A dance instructor once told me that there is something about our brain that causes us to imitate the other dancers around us. Whether or not the other dancers are doing the correct steps, we still have a natural tendency to do the same. I have experienced this in the simple act of going into the kitchen, finding something to eat, and then having my siblings come in and only want to eat exactly what I have –no matter what other food is available. We may have independent spirits, but we frequently copy the actions of those around us indisputably. I believe there are three major pieces that cause us to conform to the standards of our peers. The first is natural tendency. We absorb so much of the way our peers live, that we find ourselves following. But it goes deeper than just a natural tendency to imitate. The second is peer pressure which often says we must fit into a certain mold and do the acceptable and “cool” thing to do. If we decide to reject this attitude, then most often we ourselves are in great danger of being rejected. Fear of being rejected is evoked and propels us into the massive flow. Finally, the third cause for conforming is because we want something. Everyone has an objective even if they may not realize it. Often we just want to be loved, admired, respected, esteemed…by our peers.
Could it be that most of us are willing to sacrifice our own standards and beliefs to conform to those of our peers in order to avoid being rejected, or to get what we want?
As we conform to the standards of those of our peers, the effects are huge. The moment we sacrifice our standards and go with the flow, our own ideas get eroded and are replaced with the ideas of others. We all just become followers. We are influenced in areas ranging from clothes and music, to our attitudes, our language, and our relationships. We adapt, without much thought. But hella yes, it’s the way to go. Often, I have found myself doing things that I know I shouldn’t, but everyone else seems to have embraced the attitude that it is perfectly alright- a lot of them my friends and with similar ideas and beliefs as mine. For example, I am strongly convinced of the fact that actions have consequences. And yet, many of my peers ignore this fact most of the time. I am persuaded to go with the flow, and yet feel a keen sense of contradiction. My heart throbs with a desire to live for God, but the pressure to conform to an age of ignorance is wearing on me.
Giving into the pressure to conform to the standards of our peers is not bringing about good effects. In fact, it’s crippling. A person who is living in contradiction will break apart unless they make a stand. I would say it is time to stop being followers and start being leaders of our generation. It is time to step out of the flow for a moment to clear our minds of the rubbish that infiltrates our culture and make a bold stand for what we believe in. We should be more like solid rocks, and less like sand that just gets washed away. The solid rock in this case, may not fit in with the multitude of sand, but as it endures the perils of life, it will become polished and shining. It will stand for ages as beacon of true strength, faith, boldness.
k.e.h.
Could it be that most of us are willing to sacrifice our own standards and beliefs to conform to those of our peers in order to avoid being rejected, or to get what we want?
As we conform to the standards of those of our peers, the effects are huge. The moment we sacrifice our standards and go with the flow, our own ideas get eroded and are replaced with the ideas of others. We all just become followers. We are influenced in areas ranging from clothes and music, to our attitudes, our language, and our relationships. We adapt, without much thought. But hella yes, it’s the way to go. Often, I have found myself doing things that I know I shouldn’t, but everyone else seems to have embraced the attitude that it is perfectly alright- a lot of them my friends and with similar ideas and beliefs as mine. For example, I am strongly convinced of the fact that actions have consequences. And yet, many of my peers ignore this fact most of the time. I am persuaded to go with the flow, and yet feel a keen sense of contradiction. My heart throbs with a desire to live for God, but the pressure to conform to an age of ignorance is wearing on me.
Giving into the pressure to conform to the standards of our peers is not bringing about good effects. In fact, it’s crippling. A person who is living in contradiction will break apart unless they make a stand. I would say it is time to stop being followers and start being leaders of our generation. It is time to step out of the flow for a moment to clear our minds of the rubbish that infiltrates our culture and make a bold stand for what we believe in. We should be more like solid rocks, and less like sand that just gets washed away. The solid rock in this case, may not fit in with the multitude of sand, but as it endures the perils of life, it will become polished and shining. It will stand for ages as beacon of true strength, faith, boldness.
k.e.h.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
happiness
Perhaps I was a little too harsh and confining with my previous vague definition of happiness. In order to emphasize and uplift the meaning of joy, I belittled the meaning of happiness, and since have felt a little remorseful. So here I am, sitting with my happy cup of coffee, feeling rather guilty. Though joy and happiness are much different, happiness does go deeper than a cup of coffee. :)
“Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” –Joseph Addison
Often, we hear the word happiness. We may even experience it; in fact we all have experienced it to some degree even if just for a moment. For some, it is the absence of sorrow, or relief of pain. For others it is an exciting feeling of immense pleasure that can take on many forms, whether it is as small as a piece of chocolate or a scented flower, or something greater like going to your wedding. But what exactly, is pure happiness? From a broad perspective, Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines happiness as “the enjoyment of pleasure without pain, gratifying desires, luck, or fortune.” The word happy is similarly defined as lucky, fortunate, and successful. Furthermore, it defines happy as “receiving good from something that springs up to us unexpectedly, and that is out of our control.” Finally, it says that “the pleasurable sensations derived from the gratification of sensual appetites render a person temporarily happy; but he only can be esteemed really and permanently happy, who enjoys peace of mind in the favor of God.”
For me, happiness often springs up. I find pleasure in many things-sunshine, rain, tea, warm socks, chocolate. Yet, what is the fundamental aspect of happiness? I believe Joseph Addison was right in his “three grand essentials”. The first, “something to do”, could very well mean a life work- doing what we do best and working diligently to accomplish what we are called to do. No matter how small or great, finding something that we can do well, and contributing to life and giving to others is fulfilling, and does bring happiness-perhaps prosperity, which brings us back to the definition of happiness. The second essential is love. Having something or someone to love and receiving love back is crucial for happiness. In fact, I believe happiness in its purest form is love. Love expressed through words, actions, time spent with another, gifts received or given, and other ways. In a way, happiness can be given and received by the form of love.
Finally, in the third grand essential, “something to hope for,” indicates happiness in the future. In Webster’s dictionary, it says that “to be in any degree happy we must be free from pain both of body and of mind.” Furthermore, it says “perfect happiness, or pleasure unalloyed with pain, is not attainable in this life.” I would agree, and assume from these defining points in Webster’s dictionary that we can only experience partial happiness -tastes of it in this life. For this reason, it points back to the statement about one who “enjoys peace of mind in the favor of God”, can really only be “esteemed really and permanently happy”. I believe this is true, and the hope that I embrace is one not rooted in this world, but one of heaven that is yet to come. Hoping for something brings energy to keep on and anticipation for happiness, whether it is something that can be attained on this earth, or eternally. Happiness can be described in a thousand ways, just as there are a thousand different things that can bring happiness, but I would conclude that the three grand essentials shape the major pieces of our happiness with love being the most prominent. I know that God’s love for me has been the greatest happiness I have experienced, and my eyes are ever fixed on the completion of that happiness in being forever with Him. I think George Sand was not far off when he said, “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
k.e.h.
“Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” –Joseph Addison
Often, we hear the word happiness. We may even experience it; in fact we all have experienced it to some degree even if just for a moment. For some, it is the absence of sorrow, or relief of pain. For others it is an exciting feeling of immense pleasure that can take on many forms, whether it is as small as a piece of chocolate or a scented flower, or something greater like going to your wedding. But what exactly, is pure happiness? From a broad perspective, Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines happiness as “the enjoyment of pleasure without pain, gratifying desires, luck, or fortune.” The word happy is similarly defined as lucky, fortunate, and successful. Furthermore, it defines happy as “receiving good from something that springs up to us unexpectedly, and that is out of our control.” Finally, it says that “the pleasurable sensations derived from the gratification of sensual appetites render a person temporarily happy; but he only can be esteemed really and permanently happy, who enjoys peace of mind in the favor of God.”
For me, happiness often springs up. I find pleasure in many things-sunshine, rain, tea, warm socks, chocolate. Yet, what is the fundamental aspect of happiness? I believe Joseph Addison was right in his “three grand essentials”. The first, “something to do”, could very well mean a life work- doing what we do best and working diligently to accomplish what we are called to do. No matter how small or great, finding something that we can do well, and contributing to life and giving to others is fulfilling, and does bring happiness-perhaps prosperity, which brings us back to the definition of happiness. The second essential is love. Having something or someone to love and receiving love back is crucial for happiness. In fact, I believe happiness in its purest form is love. Love expressed through words, actions, time spent with another, gifts received or given, and other ways. In a way, happiness can be given and received by the form of love.
Finally, in the third grand essential, “something to hope for,” indicates happiness in the future. In Webster’s dictionary, it says that “to be in any degree happy we must be free from pain both of body and of mind.” Furthermore, it says “perfect happiness, or pleasure unalloyed with pain, is not attainable in this life.” I would agree, and assume from these defining points in Webster’s dictionary that we can only experience partial happiness -tastes of it in this life. For this reason, it points back to the statement about one who “enjoys peace of mind in the favor of God”, can really only be “esteemed really and permanently happy”. I believe this is true, and the hope that I embrace is one not rooted in this world, but one of heaven that is yet to come. Hoping for something brings energy to keep on and anticipation for happiness, whether it is something that can be attained on this earth, or eternally. Happiness can be described in a thousand ways, just as there are a thousand different things that can bring happiness, but I would conclude that the three grand essentials shape the major pieces of our happiness with love being the most prominent. I know that God’s love for me has been the greatest happiness I have experienced, and my eyes are ever fixed on the completion of that happiness in being forever with Him. I think George Sand was not far off when he said, “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
k.e.h.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
[cont.] 14 more random things...
1. I get persuaded quite easily – a blessing and a curse! (I am thankful for the good parents and friends I have)
2. I think it’s amusing watching random people in crowds…( maybe that’s weird lol) but I also find myself wondering about the lives of people who I come in contact with like the girl that works at subway, or the guy with the sign…
3. I drive relatively fast. Once, I had a dream about a cop pulling me over and giving me a ticket, and as I looked to see the amount I sighed with relief that it was only $30…but as he was filling out the citation he looked at me sort of evilly and added another zero…I started crying. But he just kept adding zeros!
4. I have been the victim of my brother attacking me in his sleep! It was the weirdest thing…(I thought people only walked in their sleep, but apparently they can attack people while “sleeping”) haha…he was mad at me because he thought I was in his bed, but I was just innocently sleeping in my own bed…it was terrifying, he pushed me out of bed. Lol
5. I love being around people, yet I love being alone sometimes too. I am perfectly content and happy when I’m just all by myself.
6. Hannah calls me a baby because I hate scary/horror movies. If I am somehow persuaded to watch one, I need pillows, a guy, and a blanket! Lol
7. This is rather contradictory to #1, but I am also rather stubborn sometimes…
8. Altogether I have 24 pairs of shoes. 13 pairs of dress shoes, 2 pairs of loafers, 2 pairs of boots (one short, one tall), 1 pair of snow boots, 4 pairs of tennis shoes type shoes, 2 pairs of soccer shoes (1 outdoor cleats, 1 indoor shoes), and 1 very sad and lonely crock (the other one was drowned in the river). Basically, I like shoes. :)
9. A little bit of procrastination is good if it allows you to enjoy life!
10. When creatively thinking or using the right side of my brain, I pretty much always tilt my head slightly up and to the right
11. I would prefer sharp, brief pain over dull, long-lasting pain.
12. I basically never just think, “I am so excited, now I get to read the Bible, and put everything else aside.” But every time I am done reading, I am amazed at what I read and wonder why I drug my feet!
13. Peonies are my favorite flowers
14. I make confessions about things and then wonder why I do! Haha ;)
2. I think it’s amusing watching random people in crowds…( maybe that’s weird lol) but I also find myself wondering about the lives of people who I come in contact with like the girl that works at subway, or the guy with the sign…
3. I drive relatively fast. Once, I had a dream about a cop pulling me over and giving me a ticket, and as I looked to see the amount I sighed with relief that it was only $30…but as he was filling out the citation he looked at me sort of evilly and added another zero…I started crying. But he just kept adding zeros!
4. I have been the victim of my brother attacking me in his sleep! It was the weirdest thing…(I thought people only walked in their sleep, but apparently they can attack people while “sleeping”) haha…he was mad at me because he thought I was in his bed, but I was just innocently sleeping in my own bed…it was terrifying, he pushed me out of bed. Lol
5. I love being around people, yet I love being alone sometimes too. I am perfectly content and happy when I’m just all by myself.
6. Hannah calls me a baby because I hate scary/horror movies. If I am somehow persuaded to watch one, I need pillows, a guy, and a blanket! Lol
7. This is rather contradictory to #1, but I am also rather stubborn sometimes…
8. Altogether I have 24 pairs of shoes. 13 pairs of dress shoes, 2 pairs of loafers, 2 pairs of boots (one short, one tall), 1 pair of snow boots, 4 pairs of tennis shoes type shoes, 2 pairs of soccer shoes (1 outdoor cleats, 1 indoor shoes), and 1 very sad and lonely crock (the other one was drowned in the river). Basically, I like shoes. :)
9. A little bit of procrastination is good if it allows you to enjoy life!
10. When creatively thinking or using the right side of my brain, I pretty much always tilt my head slightly up and to the right
11. I would prefer sharp, brief pain over dull, long-lasting pain.
12. I basically never just think, “I am so excited, now I get to read the Bible, and put everything else aside.” But every time I am done reading, I am amazed at what I read and wonder why I drug my feet!
13. Peonies are my favorite flowers
14. I make confessions about things and then wonder why I do! Haha ;)
Monday, February 23, 2009
hmm
the weather can't make up its mind....
so it rains and it shines. at the same time.
I like it. aw sunshine. :)
so it rains and it shines. at the same time.
I like it. aw sunshine. :)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
fond of this song...
"I got bruises on my knees for you and grass stains on my knees for you, got holes in my new jeans for you, got pink and black and blue.. for you."
-chairlift
-chairlift
Thursday, February 19, 2009
25 very random things...
1. I sing most in the car, shower, and the kitchen while cleaning…my brothers join in, or start singing something else which is so annoying! I just try to sing over them. We have sort of a competition sometimes…
2. I love writing, although when it comes to papers for a class…*ehem* I have a horrifying experience of starting…and sometimes finishing them. I basically want to shoot myself. I am a majorly harsh critic of my writing.
3. I am not punctual. (I am fashionably late…hehe jk)
4. I wish I was funny and sometimes I laugh at my own jokes. My brothers laugh at all the stupid things I do sometimes… =P
5. When I was a cute little kid, I used to lick butter out of the dish on some mornings when everyone was still in bed
6. I hate it when people text while in the same room or close proximity of each other…seriously people, God gave you mouths, use them!
7. I love extreme sports (although I am somewhat cautious :)…I don’t want that 3rd concussion!)
8. I like discussion and debating [though if someone is owning me, I usually resort to teasing and/or name calling :)…sometimes I use violence..haha jk! Or maybe not…hehe ;) ]
9. Dancing is my new favorite thing
10. Sometimes I read the last few pages of the end of a book, and then I start it.
11. I smile at people I don’t know all the time…I don’t know why I do, but I love it when they smile back. :)
12. Sometimes I eat dessert before breakfast (at least it isn’t butter anymore! ;)
13. I dress according to the mood I’m in…[and I actually do wear jeans and t-shirts all the time! :)]
14. I’ll write a song and sometimes not even know the exact chords I used..they are odd chords ok! or I'll make up words...or use words i don't even know what they mean but i think i do...=P
15. This is a fact. Coffee must be made right. Strong, but not burnt. Milk or cream must not be sour. Sugar, must be minimal.
16. I want to live in Portland, but I don’t have a bike. :’(
17. I like cats better than dogs. Dogs stink. End of story.
18. I want to go to Mexico. If not, then somewhere in the southern hemisphere
19. I actually laugh out loud when I find something funny.
20. I think kids are the coolest. Sometimes I’d rather talk to kids than adults.
21. I am afraid of heights, white water river rafting, and spiders especially!!!
22. Once, I gave my brother pauly a nice little hair wash in the toilette…actually I think I
dunked his head in the toilette I don’t know why. =P
23. I use reverse psychology all the time ;)
24. The book of Isaiah is one of my favorites in the Old Testament, and the book of Ephesians in the New Testament
25. Musicians are my homies. I have great respect for them.
2. I love writing, although when it comes to papers for a class…*ehem* I have a horrifying experience of starting…and sometimes finishing them. I basically want to shoot myself. I am a majorly harsh critic of my writing.
3. I am not punctual. (I am fashionably late…hehe jk)
4. I wish I was funny and sometimes I laugh at my own jokes. My brothers laugh at all the stupid things I do sometimes… =P
5. When I was a cute little kid, I used to lick butter out of the dish on some mornings when everyone was still in bed
6. I hate it when people text while in the same room or close proximity of each other…seriously people, God gave you mouths, use them!
7. I love extreme sports (although I am somewhat cautious :)…I don’t want that 3rd concussion!)
8. I like discussion and debating [though if someone is owning me, I usually resort to teasing and/or name calling :)…sometimes I use violence..haha jk! Or maybe not…hehe ;) ]
9. Dancing is my new favorite thing
10. Sometimes I read the last few pages of the end of a book, and then I start it.
11. I smile at people I don’t know all the time…I don’t know why I do, but I love it when they smile back. :)
12. Sometimes I eat dessert before breakfast (at least it isn’t butter anymore! ;)
13. I dress according to the mood I’m in…[and I actually do wear jeans and t-shirts all the time! :)]
14. I’ll write a song and sometimes not even know the exact chords I used..they are odd chords ok! or I'll make up words...or use words i don't even know what they mean but i think i do...=P
15. This is a fact. Coffee must be made right. Strong, but not burnt. Milk or cream must not be sour. Sugar, must be minimal.
16. I want to live in Portland, but I don’t have a bike. :’(
17. I like cats better than dogs. Dogs stink. End of story.
18. I want to go to Mexico. If not, then somewhere in the southern hemisphere
19. I actually laugh out loud when I find something funny.
20. I think kids are the coolest. Sometimes I’d rather talk to kids than adults.
21. I am afraid of heights, white water river rafting, and spiders especially!!!
22. Once, I gave my brother pauly a nice little hair wash in the toilette…actually I think I
dunked his head in the toilette I don’t know why. =P
23. I use reverse psychology all the time ;)
24. The book of Isaiah is one of my favorites in the Old Testament, and the book of Ephesians in the New Testament
25. Musicians are my homies. I have great respect for them.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
family photos
Ellanie
niece Ellanie, Heather, grandma #1, grandma #2, sister, mother, me 
Stephen, Paul, David
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
defining
-Happiness is [easily] found. It is something that comes with conditions. It is something that springs up all at once...but dies just as quickly as it came.
-Joy is fought for. It must be sought after, and it takes a great deal of work to attain. Joy is a choice we must make. Joy shines despite life's cruelty.
-Happiness is a cup of coffee.
-Joy is an attitude that says, "Heart, I will give thanks. Soul, I will rejoice. Mind, I will remember God's goodness. Strength, I will yield to God's strength."
Joy, I seek you now.
k.e.h.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
today i just have to laugh
first, today I actually woke up early. I’m so proud of myself. I got up when my alarm clock went off…7:30am baby. Then I finished my paper…which was one of the happiest things ever since I rarely have those moments when I am just like, “yes! I actually had some inspiration to change this lovely piece of crap essay into something that is presentable and that I actually like.” It was a pretty good feeling until I got to class and wondered how I was going to get through the awkwardness of turning my paper in…late. I don’t know why it is awkward, but when everyone is sitting in class looking so angelic and you know everyone of them turned their papers in on time, it just is. Also, the teacher just sat so properly at her desk…it made me feel quite wicked. I sat down and said hello to a friend. I knew I had to turn my paper in at some point…and I had to do it soon. Quickly, I got up and placed my paper on her desk avoiding any eye contact. As I sat back down I saw her look me over. It was kind of an amused look…and at the same time kind of a deathly stare. You see, this was the second time I turned in my paper late. In a flash she picked up her pen and scribbled something on my paper. I can only guess what she marked. All I have to say is 1) you can’t rush art [a.k.a essays] and 2) (this is actually a different story) but giving only two days (Saturday and Sunday) to write a first draft is slightly unreasonable!
Today I also decided that I don’t like making pudding. Pudding is great, but when it takes two hours to make, leaves me with a burned finger, and I don’t even get to eat it because I won’t be around when it will be served, is……what word could I use here?! Annoying?
But! I am not complaining at all…:) Oh because soon I am going to get ready to go to play rehearsal for four hours tonight. Woop! [shoot me now. ;) jk] Hopefully I will stay awake. But today is good. (and that last remark was not sarcastic, I promise. :)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
the view from where I walk...
It was absolutely gorgeous today, I couldn't resist the urge to capture some of it on a walk I took this afternoon...
it amazes me that these are actually blooming in the middle of the winter.
k.e.h.
it amazes me that these are actually blooming in the middle of the winter. 
k.e.h.
Moses
“come on now, don't you want to see
this thing that's happening to me
like moses has power over sea
so you've got power over me
come on now, don't you want to see
just what a difference you've made in me
i'll be waiting oh no matter what you say
cause i've been waiting for days and days and days
and oh, oh yes i would
if i only could
and you know i would
and baby i, oh baby i
i wish
if the sky's gonna fall down let it fall on me
if you're gonna break down you can break on me
if the sky's gonna fall down let it fall on me
if it's gonna rain down it can rain on me
-it can rain on me”
-Chris Martin
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
an appropriate quote for the day....
"smilings my favorite!"
"no buddy. work is your new favorite!"
ok. I am going to work on my paper. now.
k.e.h. :)
"no buddy. work is your new favorite!"
ok. I am going to work on my paper. now.
k.e.h. :)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Swallowing the bitter taste of disappointment has to be one of the hardest things to do. Especially if you know you’ve been put on a scale, and have found that you’re lacking in some aspect or another…and then of course, you are tossed aside. You wish you had never been put on the scale. You wish you could dance to your own music…
You want to find something to be joyful about, but the disappointment is so strong…
You remind yourself that the sun will shine again.
….Now won’t it?
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
more than a glance...
somewhere far off someone laughs,
at the very same moment a baby takes its first breath,
and though on some rainy night a son cries over his dying mother,
the next morning the sun will arise with a fresh rejuvenating power
a man will wipe the sweat from his brow,
a woman, the tears from her eyes
and though his strength and pride be broken,
and she her heart and dreams,
their pain will not go unnoticed,
their effort, their tears, their love
the music may fade away,
the laughs turned into hate and rage,
torn and tattered
sick of being flattered
you no longer see the stars
but this is life, made of joy and sorrow
made of love and learning,
made of pain and courage
and it’s worth a second thought,
....yes, a very precious thought.
: thank you God, for life:
k.e.h.
Monday, February 2, 2009
the day i almost died...
It was a cold, drizzly Sunday afternoon in late September. I didn’t mind the fact that seventeen of us young people had to be scrunched into a fifteen passenger van for a two and a half hour drive to eastern Oregon. It would be interesting, to say the least. We were all friends, and the thought of the adventure we were about to embark on was exhilarating. I had never gone white river water rafting before, and though the prospect of getting wet and maybe rained on in the nearly fifty degree weather was disagreeable, I was excited. Once we arrived at the rather desolate parking lot, in the small town near the Deschutes River, we got out and observed the surroundings. The view was breath-taking with large rock cliffs stretching high above and hemming us in on either side. The edges of these giants were sharp, raw and jagged. Some dry trees and rugged brush skirted the bottom of the cliffs. The sky was a heavy grey giving everything beneath it vivid color. As we bounded towards the small shop where we were to change and rent our equipment, the wind tugged at our clothes and hair. Inside the shop I scanned some of the photos on the walls. In the pictures some of the rafts were half submerged in water, and the rafts folded over like tacos. I cringed looking at these wild expeditions, thankful that we would not have to experience anything of the sort.
Soon we were geared up, and after a short bus ride on a dusty gravel road, and some lengthy instructions on the bank of the river, we set out on the water. Altogether there were nine of us in the raft. On the left side, were my two girl friends Lindsey and Holly and two guys, one in the front and one in the back. On our side, my friend Taylor was in the very front, behind him my younger brother Paul, and then behind me was Christian and in the Rear, our guide Daniel. The river flowed peacefully yet powerfully, and it took some strength to paddle against the current. The first set of rapids we hit was enough to splash us considerably, but was not that impressive. I was glad that Daniel had quite a bit of experience on the river, having worked as a guide for eight years. My eyes wandered off as I enjoyed looking at the different types of trees and grasses along the bank. Taylor glanced back at my brother and I, a little smile forming on his lips.
“You guys doing ok back there?” He asked, his eyes shining. Before we could answer, he had casually dipped his paddle in and splashed us in the face. I yelled and laughed and returned the motion as a couple others joined in on the fun.
Daniel told us the next set of rapids, which had a rating of five, was going to be a big one. I expected to be splashed even more than the previous times, but my eyes widened with utter astonishment and excitement as we approached what appeared to be a complete drop off. I squealed and braced myself as we got closer. The dip looked more like a water fall, and my heart began to race. Within seconds we plunged down and were launched back up while the water rushed powerfully around the raft. The sound of the crashing water behind us pounded in my ears. Daniel yelled to us over the noise to paddle hard out of the bowl like cavity that we were in. Pushing and pulling with all my might, I almost despaired as I saw we were not making progress. Daniel yelled and encouraged us more, but our strength seemed powerless against the monstrous current. We kept going around and around. I looked ahead of me as our raft suddenly jerked and in a flash the guy in the front was flung head first into the water. The next thing I remember was the shock of the frigid water on my skin. I gasped and fear gripped me as I realized I was no longer in the protection of the raft. The pressure around me was unbelievable. Immediately, I began removing one of my crocks, which I then tossed into the raft, but before I could reach the other one, it was ripped off my foot. I grabbed the side of the raft and began trying to get in but the current drug me under the raft. The time I was under water seemed endless. I thought my head would strike a rock, or I would be forever stuck underneath while my body was hurled about helplessly. But somehow, several seconds later, I came up with only a slightly bruised leg, thankful that I was still alive. I saw the raft heading down the river, and glimpsed my brother also in the water nearing the rocks on the side. The current was pushing me strongly in the circular pattern, and though already exhausted I knew I had to swim hard to get to the side. It was a wonderful feeling grasping that solid rock, and getting out of the water. My body was shaking with cold and fear. Numbly, I began climbing the steep, rocky riverside that led up to the road.
Slowly, my senses began returning to me, and as I started to feel the sharp rocks beneath my bare feet, I started to realize how thankful I was that God had just spared my life. Later I heard that several people had died in that very spot many times before. As I walked along the gravel road no one was in sight. I didn’t care that my clothes were drenched and my leg bleeding. Soon, I found all the others downstream on the bank with the raft. No one was injured except for some scrapes and bruises. Once again my heart gave a sigh of gratitude to God who had saved us that day. Though now I could choose to stay home and shrink back from adventures, I probably will not. After that day I am convinced that life should be lived to the fullest, and every moment of it valued as a precious gift.
k.e.h.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
